Having a bad trip? Master the art of complaining
Power Trip / Christopher Elliott

This was the kind of flight that made you believe in Murphy's Law. Whatever could go wrong did go wrong.

A snowstorm had frozen all air traffic leaving Newark, N.J., grounding my Miami-bound plane. In an effort to keep the increasingly irritated passengers quiet, crew members passed out plastic cups of water and showed the in-flight movie: the critically maligned "Serving Sara," starring Elizabeth Hurley and Matthew Perry.

It didn't help.

After six hours - three-and-a half on the ground, the balance in the air - I arrived only to find the checked-in luggage had made an unexpected delay. Turns out one of the cargo doors wouldn't open.

"Can't you just pry it open?" demanded a woman standing impatiently at the luggage carousel.

The airline employee shook his head and answered politely, "We're doing all we can."

"Now listen here," she snapped. "I've been on this flight for six hours. I want my luggage - and I want it NOW!"

"We're doing all we can," the employee repeated. "Really."

"Well, that's the last time I'm flying with this airline. Never again. You hear? Never."

I've heard or read those words so often as a travel writer and consumer advocate that for a second I thought the two of them were just bantering about - a frequent flier joking around with a crew member. But they weren't. She was completely serious - and completely wrong, textbook wrong, if she thought her verbal exchange with the airline employee would do her any good. She might as well have sounded off to the conveyor belt.

Complaining as an art form

In the world of travel, complaining is as inevitable as weather delays. How effective are people at getting results? No one really knows. You can take a look at how many people griped about airline service at the Aviation Consumer Protection Division Web site, which is produced by the U.S. Department of Transportation.

But how many of those grievances are actually resolved? The carriers won't say. Experience tells me there's a single-digit settlement rate, with the airlines generally stonewalling problem passengers with form letters.

Anyone who tells you that complaining is as easy as 1-2-3 is just plain wrong. If that were the case, then there would be hundreds of Web sites that show you how to file a grievance successfully with an airline, car rental company, cruise line or hotel, in five easy steps.

No, complaining effectively is an art form, and the very best I can do is offer these four guiding principles to help you hone your complaining craft.

If you have to write a letter, it's probably too late. Let's start at the end, because it will set the entire tone of your griping philosophy. If you wait until the flight or hotel stay is over, you've missed your best opportunity to get things resolved. Why? Most travel companies employ an entire department, often euphemistically called "customer service" or "consumer affairs," which is designed to answer your request for compensation with a "no." If you don't believe me, try sending a letter to your favorite airline and watch what happens. Practically every time, you'll get a letter thanking you for taking the time to write but offering you zip . . . if they write back at all.

When a problem crops up, address it immediately (and diplomatically). For example: On a flight from Atlanta to Frankfurt, Germany, I requested a vegetarian meal. My travel agent reserved seat 32B for me, which is the next-to-last seat on the plane, right in front of the rest room. (Note: Always be nice to your travel agent, otherwise you'll get stuck in 32B.) By the time the meal tray worked its way down the aisle, all the vegetarian dishes were gone. So were the chicken entrées. The flight attendant apologetically offered me a lukewarm beef dinner. I told her that I completely understood that the veggie meals weren't available, and I assured her that I didn't think she was to blame for the shortage, but said I preferred to skip the meal. "Let me see what I can do," she said. A few minutes later, she returned with a vegetarian meal from the first-class cabin. Complaining about inadequate meal service after the flight would have resulted in a letter of apology, if that. Instead, I landed an apology and a first-class dinner.

"No" is never the final answer. When I arrived at the airport to check in for my red-eye from Los Angeles to Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a testy ticket agent turned away a piece of check-in luggage. The reason? Cardboard boxes are a no-no during late December and early January. My only option was to leave it in L.A., presumably abandoning it somewhere in the airport. So I asked another ticket agent, who gave me pretty much the same answer. But I kept asking. One hour and six conversations later, the airline accepted my luggage with its apologies and sincerest wishes for a safe journey. How did I do it? I just kept asking until I found an airline employee who took a personal interest in making sure I remained a happy customer. Being persistent is one of the best ways to resolve a grievance. I simply explained to whoever at the airport would listen that I, as one of their passengers, couldn't leave the box at Los Angeles International and asked them to help. Eventually they did.

Never underestimate the power of nice. Acting civilly is the most effective tool for resolving your travel gripes. I rented a car recently, paying for an upgrade to a midsize vehicle so that I could fit my infant son's car seat in the back. When I picked up the car, I stood in a long line of customers waiting to be served. Many had been sent over by another rental company at the airport, which had run out of cars. So when I mentioned that I needed enough room for a car seat, the agent pretty much ignored me and gave me the first available car. It turns out the vehicle was too small. So I came back and very politely asked for another car. I noted that I thought the car I had was adequate in every respect, except that the seat wouldn't fit. I invited the agent to come see for herself and even offered to pay for a bigger car. The agent immediately found a roomier car - no charge. Here, being polite rather than making demands (such as shouting, "I want a bigger car, and I want it NOW!") got the results I needed.

Practice makes perfect

Bottom line: Being polite, persistent and proactive is the best way to resolve any travel-related grievance. But it also takes practice. When I began traveling, I found that the airlines, hotels and car rental companies I patronized had built-in defense mechanisms against would-be complainers. I've already mentioned the "customer service" departments. But hotels also use other tactics, like peer pressure ("You're holding up the line, sir") and appeals to your sense of generosity ("Come on, what's a small surcharge on your bill?").

With a little practice, you'll learn to recognize these deflection strategies and master the fine art of complaining.