Recover From A Breakup... Quickly
By Curt Smith of AskMen.com

"The day you left me, I was stained with sorrow and sadness. My eyes were red with grief. You were a part of me, so when you left, I felt like I lost one of my lungs and breathing became harder. I had no clue as to how I would survive the next minute of my life without hearing your sweet voice, smelling your charming perfume or feeling the soft touch of your lips.

But now I'm cured, sterilized from your love and finally at peace. I no longer miss you and no longer love you. Yet I still wait for you my love, every minute that I live, every hour of the day, every day of the month and every month of the year."

The message above is a perfect example of why it is so difficult to get over a breakup: not being able to let go of false hope. Most men are stuck in limbo with the idea that there might be a chance of getting back together with their women.

The result of such beliefs is a double-edged rejection sword. This person actually inflicts prolonged and repetitive pain. First comes the initial sting originating from the breakup itself. Then comes the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking hope that she will return, and eventually the realization that she does not regret leaving you -- and she is gone for good.

All this pain could be kept short and sweet if a man would just learn to accept the decision made by his "new" ex-girlfriend and move on with his life. By waiting around and hoping, a man is trapping himself in an endless circle of torture.

you control the situation

A man cannot prevent his woman from leaving him, but he can definitely control the whole breakup situation. Some men make the whole experience a lot more difficult than it really is. You can think of going through a breakup as similar to preparing a martini -- you take it either stirred or shaken.

The time it takes for a man to recover from the breakup depends on how he serves himself a martini. Most men will take it shaken. They sit around the house reading old love letters, looking at old photos and listening to meaningful love songs while reminiscing about the past.

This is the hard, long way of recovering. Essentially, he's taking all these emotions together and shaking them within himself to make them more bubbly than they need to be.

I, on the other hand, like it stirred. Sure breaking up is hard, but I'll only stir my martini of emotions for a short time, while I ponder on what to do next. But I don't dwell or shake up my emotions. No, I just move on.

it's not fair

Coping with a breakup is hard for everyone, but in my opinion, it is harder for men than it is for women. This is especially true for all those men who were involved in long-term relationships.

Now you're probably wondering why I believe it is more difficult for men. The answer is simple: we all know that one of the best ways to recover from a breakup is to meet new people. Well, after a breakup, men have a more difficult time meeting new women than women have meeting men.

Just think about it for a moment. If you break up with your girlfriend, all she has to do is go down to the local café, bar, club (you name it) and she'll have at least one man approach her. If she wants, she'll be in the sack with him by night's end.

On the other hand, the fragile, ego-broken man who was just dumped by his girlfriend now has the difficult task of approaching a strange woman and risk being rejected all over again.

Of course, his job is made a lot more difficult because he has to approach a woman while dealing with his new desperate state of mind (which definitely does not improve his chances: women hate desperate men), broken ego and rusty "pickup" skills.

Needless to say, his efforts are headed for doom, which will only cause his ego to be shattered further.

recover quickly

These stressful moments can further lead to confusion and a state of mind where one feels totally helpless. But there are five necessary steps that one can take to quickly recover from a breakup.

1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Over the years, men have earned the reputation for being big babies. One of the reasons why they're labeled in such a way is because they're always feeling sorry for themselves. Being dumped only adds to this.

Every man thinks his breakup was the most traumatic one in history. The truth of the matter is, breakups always follow the same pattern, and life does go on. If you keep thinking about how badly you've been hurt, you will continue to hurt. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and help yourself get over her.

2. Destroy the past
As I mentioned before, a lot of recently dumped men remain trapped in a limbo state of mind, hoping that their ex will return to them. But they will never admit to this. In front of their buddies, they claim to be over the breakup and swear that their girlfriend no longer means anything to them.

But if you ask them to throw away all the love letters and pictures, they'll refuse. Why? In case she does return, they won't have to start a whole new photo collection.

The solution is to completely destroy or burn anything that reminds you of her. If you find it difficult, then this means that you can't let go and you're still hoping for her to return to you. Believe me, once you meet another woman, all those pictures of your ex will become meaningless.

Initially it will be difficult, but once you've destroyed all the memorabilia of your ex, you'll have no choice but to move on, and you won't have anything around to remind you of her and cause you to feel sorry for yourself.

3. Remember your blood
A man can sometimes fall victim of his blind love and spend too much time with his woman leading him to forget his family. But in the end, once he's been dumped, he soon realizes the importance of his family. As one of our readers Scott Alex suggested, spending quality time with your blood - the family that sticks with you through tough times - is a sure way to recover from a break up.

Scott also recommends rearranging the furniture around the house. This will give you a new feel to the rooms - especially the bedroom - and can help you forget old memories and build new ones.

4. Repair the ego
Your ego just took a heavy blow so the last thing you want is to get back into the dating scene and suffer the consequences of normal rejection that comes from dating -- you'll take it too personally.

The solution to repairing your ego is to start off slowly by first making friends and doing fun activities such as sports, dance lessons and training at the gym. Getting your body in shape will eventually give you the confidence to meet new women and build your ego.

Once you feel comfortable and decide to get back into the dating game, it will be a lot easier to meet women since you have planted some seeds (met women in dance classes and such) and you won't look as desperate.

5. The sweetest revenge
Some men have bitter feelings towards their ex-girlfriends. Some behave in violent and crazy ways, while others let their performance level take a downward fall, be it in school or at work. I say, "rubbish" to all this nonsense. Don't let the actions of a woman dictate the way the rest of your life will turn out.

The sweetest revenge one could have is to be successful. Being dumped is actually the best motivation to help push you into succeeding in life. Believe me, there is no better feeling than bumping into your ex four years down the road after you've dropped twenty pounds, put on a rock hard six-pack and started your own lucrative business. Not to mention having your beautiful Swedish wife standing by your side.

You won't have to worry about hiding the fact that you work for a local McDonald's fast food restaurant. No. Instead, when your ex asks you what you've done with your life, you can start off with a big smile on your face, look at her wife-abusing husband and the rest is history. Get it on!

Remember guys, as in the famous words of W.E. Henley, "You are the master of your fate and the captain of your soul."

© 2003 AskMen.com